Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
