I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
