When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
