Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize