the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
