Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
