She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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