literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
