Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
