Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
