he told me I talked like a deaf person
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
