Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
