I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
No stitches, just platelets and will power
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
