you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
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When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
as a side note pls kill me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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