Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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