i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
