I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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