One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
