You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
