She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
