I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
