I accidentally had phone sex last night
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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