Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Im part way to drunk.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize