Jerry, you need to find god
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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