im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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