please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm always down for nudity.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
