I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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