mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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