So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
