for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
