Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
