next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
