i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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