I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
