I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
