shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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