i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
