The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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