If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
