you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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