So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
