question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Congratulations! We have a period
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
