and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
