so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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