what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
