I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
