i barfeds in our rink
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
