she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
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If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
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By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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