I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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