It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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