I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
