I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
