i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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