I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
