They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
