yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
