you would pick up someone in the library
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
