My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Randomize
