How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
