So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
