I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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