This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
