Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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