my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
