I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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