I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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