this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
bring money and cleavage
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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