its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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