You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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