I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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