i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
