Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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